I’m missing my Dad right now.
I just finished leaving a comment for a friend who’s father passed about 3 months ago. In sharing with him parts of my story, I’m realizing that it was this time of year in 2003 when my own father passed.
I just tried to call my Aunt (my Dad’s sister) who I haven’t been in touch with much. I feel like they want me to call them and specifically my grandmother more – and I agree that I should. But it’s creating a tension that I don’t know how to deal with. When my father passed unexpectedly, there were messy situations in our home that rather than expose, my mom and I chose to deal with them privately and quietly. Unfortunately this caused my fathers family to feel excluded – something I didn’t find out about until a year after he passed. Even then, I wasn’t in a place that would allow me to really deal with the complexities of my life and relationships.
I wish I had an easy answer right now. I’ve noticed about myself that I want to end everything on a positive note. To an extent nothing is wrong with that – I just have to be able to deal with things that won’t have a good outlook – right away.
I need your help. I have so many emotions and situations whirling around me right now. I know these feelings are only temporary. Help me to see and feel you now – to focus and be centered on you. Grant me the peace that surpasses my understanding of these situations. God I’ll trust in you.
Thank you for my earthly Father – who those limited and human set a beautiful example of your unconditional love. Thank you for the love that you put in his heart for me. For how he did his best to be present and loving in my life. Thank you Lord… for Darryl Kingsly Calhoun.