Tag Archives: fear

I’m So Happy!

I’m so happy and blessed that I could roll on the floor crying tears of joy right about now.  Today was an awesome day for me.  So many things went well at church.  I tend to feel amazing when I leave church but on much deeper levels today was special.

I battle with fear when it comes to singing solo / lead.  I thought this was obvious to everyone – especially since we use a huge projection screen at church.  A few weeks ago I shared this with our Music Director as I was feeling pretty bad about a small lead part I did in the service.  I got complements from several people but I couldn’t receive any of them.  I even got complements on the clothes I was wearing (which were new and I liked a lot) but i didn’t even feel good about that. I realized that this was my issue and things weren’t quite as bad as I was making them out to be.  I just was afraid of ‘messing up’ and even more afraid that I was bad and no one would tell me.  Me telling Fran (our Music Director) about how I felt along with talking about it in one of my groups really helped me to see just how my attitude was.  It was exposed and in the light and suddenly it didn’t seem so big.

Fast-forwarding to this week, I was given a lead part with two solo verses.  Fran really wanted me to pray about leading this song because the lyrics were definitely something that I could sing from my heart.

Sometimes at night
I am afraid
I cover my eyes,
Cover my shame
So here in the dark
Broken apart
Come with your light
And fill up my heart

Oh great light of the world
Fill up my soul
I’m half a man here
So come make me whole
Oh great light of the world
Come to impart
The light of your grace
To fill up my heart

Great Light Of The World by Bebo Norman

Continue reading I’m So Happy!

A Change Is Gonna Come…

Gosh! This whole dealing with your life and relationships thing is not easy.  I’m really just writing this to give my self a breather from a conversation that I’m beginning to have with someone significant in my life.  My intention in the conversation is reconciliation – a good three or more years worth of it.

Right now I’m reading the last chapter of Safe People and it seems to be the most difficult part of the book for me.  It talks about reconciling your relationships as being the preferable goal of dealing with your issues.  For me it’s scarier than walking away (which I’m also to scared to do).  I guess I just need to remind myself that I have to give it time.  I don’t have to ‘fix it all’ in one conversation (we had to get off the phone quickly today which is probably why I’m still all tensed up).  The good thing is that the other person seems to be open to dialog and actually shared some major things that have been going on in their own life.

Lord,

Help me to be at peace today… not to become overwhelmed or entangled with fear about today.  I can only do so much each day, and I believe that you order every day with just the right amount of challenge and rest.  Father help me to stay in step with your yoke.  Thank you for giving me safety and rest in good relationships with your people.  Help me to keep this all in perspective.

Thank you for the help and the way of escape.

Amen