I first heard this song a few weeks ago when Michael W. Smith came to Willow Creek to do a Concert / Service for Labor Day weekend.  Before sharing the song, Smith shared with us some insight as to what prompted him to write the piece.  I remember being quite moved and encouraged because I feel that too often church has become a place where perfect problem-less people come together and praise God.  It felt good to know that Smith realized he may receive some flack about the song, but that he felt that Willow Creek was a place where the song would be well received.

In recent weeks the news has seemed to overflow with stories of young people committing suicide, church leaders standing accused of moral and ethical misconduct, and other stories of gross injustice.  I’ve been disheartened to hear people in the media being referenced as Christians but unable to offer more than short-sighted, shallow, and super-spiritualized responses to these situations.  I’m not advocating that Christians should have all the answers… I am saying that we as a body need to come a LONG way when it comes to authenticity about the human experience.  There are staggering numbers of people hurting inside and outside of the church and it is my hope that we grow a sincere compassion -to suffer with- those who are hurting and to offer the hope that is our Gospel.

The topic of this song is a heavy one – abuse.  Check it out and share any thoughts in the comment section. (Lyrics below)

LEAVE by Michael W. Smith

Daddy’s on the sofa, turning up another bottle to unleash when I get home
I pretend he doesn’t hit me
Momma just pretends that she don’t know.

I used to think of talking
Talking to my preacher
He says I should just forgive and forget.
Now my baby brother just sits and recollects the same regrets.

And I just wanna leave
Oh, God, please help me now, I wanna leave.

As if that’s not enough
We’re the new family around here
Guess that’s all the reason some kids need
‘Cause they all call me names, and say I should just take it on the chin.

If I’m overreacting, then why is it so cold here
Why is it so cold here, in this hell
Why would my friend Suzy
Tell me I should just go kill myself?

And I just wanna leave
Oh, God, please help me now, I wanna leave
And I, I just wanna leave
Oh, God, please help me now, I wanna leave

Oh, I wanna get out of here
Oh, God, help me now, I really wanna leave,

(oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, ooh)

And I, just wanna leave
Oh, God, please help me now, I wanna leave
Oh, but I, I just wanna believe
Oh, God, please hear me now, I wanna believe
I just need to know, that You’re really out there
Tell me if You’re really out there, ’cause I believe.

Lyrics

Chorus:
I give myself away
I give myself away
So You can use me

I give myself away
I give myself away
So You can use me

Verse 1:
Here I am
Here I stand
Lord, my life is in your hands
Lord, I’m longing to see
Your desires revealed in me
I give myself away

Verse 2:
Take my heart
Take my life
As a living sacrifice
All my dreams all my plans
Lord I place them in your hands

Chorus:
I give myself away
I give myself away
So You can use me

I give myself away
I give myself away
So You can use me

Chorus:
I give myself away
I give myself away
So You can use me

I give myself away
I give myself away
So You can use me

Bridge(7X):
My life is not my own
To you I belong
I give myself, I give myself to you

Would Darren “Do The Church Dance”? Anyone who knows me well would probably quickly say “YES” because I’m known to dance – and on occasion break a sweat doing so.  But the continued enjoyment of dancing hasn’t come without much consideration in my Christian life.  In fact, when I first had my born-again experience in 1998, I quickly stopped dancing all-together because I associated it with being “worldly” and leading to “sinful behavior”.  That was my conviction then, but it was probably fueled more by zeal and shallow thinking.  It’s probably didn’t help much that the church I was part of at the time didn’t condone any dance other than that modified two-step or an equivalent of bucking around wildly. (Full disclosure… I could “cut a step” with the rest of ‘em!)

However, as I grew and studied the word, I came to realize that dance (and music) aren’t strictly the devil’s territory.  I eventually found a renewed desire to express myself through dance – and to do so in praise to God.   I also learned that much of what we disdain in church has more to do with our cultural objections (and fears) than with transcendent biblical truth.

I posted the “Do The Church Dance” video on my Facebook page and (as to be expected) was met with mixed reactions.  I’m also following the comments on pages of several friends who posted it.  Mostly there are LOL’s about the video, but by the comments a few people have taken offense.  I’m curious to get others perspective on why this is offensive to them.  Many seem to consider this ‘inappropriate’ for church – and while I wouldn’t lead a congregation in a round of it, I don’t think it’s ‘wrong’ or making fun of the church.  (They do a STRING of dances you can see in many African-American churches on any given Sunday!)

On one of the comment threads, I shared this in considering the opinion that church should be reverent/reserved.

Listening to the lyrics (while not life changing) he talked about living his life differently than the way his contemporaries are living. I think he also is encouraging people to dance and express themselves in the dance style that is familiar to them – while incorporating some ‘moves’ from the previous generations.

I think the modern “hip-hop” styling and dancing may be challenging to many – especially for people from traditionally reverent worship communities. But this is true in the same way that the introduction of the Hammond B-3 organ was considered the devil’s instrument and inappropriate for the church (the “B” stood for BAR – like where people go to Drink).

I think people generally are cautious about cultural things that relate back to areas that were sinful for them in the past and for good reason.  We can’t just go about life without giving consideration to what influences us.  But in considering history, I think this will pan out in similar ways to the contributions of Thomas Dorsey (great video link!) and Mahalia Jackson, or more recently songs like “Oh Happy Day” – in their time, they were considered worldly and inappropriate – but today they are “traditional” and “old school” church!

What are your thoughts?  Would you defend or support releases like “Do The Church Dance”?

We’re only about an hour and a half into being on the road for real (made a few stops before really getting moving).  We’ve already had one great road trip song: “if you’re out there” by John Legend.  I hadn’t heard the song since the time of the election – but we certainly went to church in the car listening to it!

I’m going to try and check in from time to time even though this will only be a short trip.  We’ll be right back on the road coming home to Chicago after the funeral.   In the mean time, I’m going to attempt to get some of this backlog of work done.  For now, check out the video and I’ll talk to you guys soon!

Wow – that’s my response to my first experience with Multi-Track recording on the iPhone using FourTrack (Apple app store link).  It’s pretty impressive what I was able to do with little to no difficulty!  I really could have invested more time into making a better recording, but I just wanted to see how difficult it would be.  This was SUPER easy and intuitive for me.  I actually had some nostalgia thinking of my Dad and how he would have loved something like this.  He spent hours creating and recording his own music with various forms of technology.

Anyway, check out my first recording.  I’ll be the first to say, the pitch is a bit off – but that’s my fault for not getting a key center before I started recording.  This was just for fun.

Technical notes: this is actually a 6-track recording that after ‘bouncing’ or re-recording all the separate channels into one channel I imported into Audacity to add reverb and convert to mp3 format.

I did begin to get memory usage warnings, but that was only after recording a 4th track and I never experienced any trouble recording.  There were a few times where the program would lock up during playback, but exiting using the home key and returning to the program loaded everything again without error.

Transferring the files via WiFi went without a hitch as well.  I can see this app consuming hours of my creative time.

This scripture is written to those who deserve punishment… to sinners, to people who have messed up. God addresses that very people and says that 1) HE’S the one who will save them and that 2) he’s delighting in the process. I reminded my friend that God wasn’t ‘shocked’ by what happened but was ready with grace and hope for him in spite of it. We forget that to qualify for being a Christian we by definition need to admit being sinners in need of a savior. Instead of wallowing in the guilt of our own sinfulness, why not reach up and embrace the Savior who will then turn back our enemies? He’s GOOD AT THIS! We have a Mighty Warrior ready to fight our battles great and small. The power to overcome IS IN HIM!

The song says “Shine your light and let the whole world see, we’re singing for the Glory of the risen King, Jesus!” We have a light to shine because of what God has done and continues to do for and in us. What an awesome privilege it is to be called to shine for our Mighty Savior!

Watch Song Video: Mighty To Save »

Photo © 2009 S. Bailey

Wow! This week at the Willow Creek Arts Conference, Nancy Beach encouraged us to embrace the “wow” moments that we often look past. This week has been a continual state of ‘wow’. I’m so full of wonder and inspiration to dig deeper, stretch further, and grow more as a creative professional, as a worship leader, and as a Christ-follower. I’m embracing a greater awareness my calling and the experience that God has equipped me with. My idle thoughts are racing with new realizations and greater aspirations. I’m seeing this new energy affect things around me.  Taking risks and responsibilities that I wouldn’t have taken before.

This Sunday Willow Chicago focused in on the basics of our worship in a “Back To Basics” service.  We took the time to explain a few of the “why’s” in church – for communion and our corporate worship experience.  The message – “Why We Sing” was given by Darren Whitehead and was excellent!  God stirred in our all of our hearts and I took a big step of faith.  I felt there was no way we should close out a service like this without corporately responding in song to God.  That’s when Fran, our Worship Leader lets me know that we’re going to sing the chorus to a song to close out.  It was one of the songs that we’d sung earlier in the service, but it seemed like there was another song that would fit there better.  “Our God Reigns” came to mind as a simple song that the congregation could easily join in singing praise of and two God.  The problems in my mind were 1) the band hadn’t rehearsed playing the song, 2) it hadn’t been included in the ‘program’ for an extra song to be in the service. But in an act of doubt and risk, I told Fran what was on my heart to sing.  He agreed to the same problems I was thinking – then talked to our Campus pastor and called the worship team together to let them know we were doing the song!

I was shaky (and in different key) when it started off, but I pushed past my uncertainty and soon the entire congregation was singing beautifully and with heart-felt passion to God!  A few people even came up after the service to share how powerful the worship time was today.  I’m soooo glad I didn’t let my own fear get in the way of the unexpected plans that God had for us today.  This week I renewed my dedication to being  all that God has called me to be – and not to let me doubts and insecurities about how that might be received hold me back.  Indeed… OUR GOD IS REIGNING in my heart and life.

Our God Reigns – Reprise (Live At Willow Creek Album Version) – Delirious?

Time to think out loud again.

First I want to send a shout-out to all those lurkers out there who read but don’t comment.  Lurker is a common internet term for people who are actively reading a site or discussion, but not responding / joining in the discussion.  Though it sounds bad, it’s not always – we all would do well to observe what’s going on before we go to saying whatever is on our minds.  With that being said, I do want to encourage anyone who drops by to let me know that you were here. Just a quick hello or even a smiley face .  Sure Google tells me I had X number of visitors each day, but it’s nice to hear from you rather than Google.  This comes up because I recently learned that one of the two primary ways I experience love are “Words of Affirmation” ( which also scored equally with “Acts of Service”.)

On my way home from a concert I was feeling a bit frustrated.  As I dug into what I was feeling I was even so bold as to tweet about it (here and here) – speaking up was a GREAT idea because it sparked a small discussion on Facebook (where my tweets show up as my status message). I realized in that discussion that I was placing myself in a good position to become burned out with a group I love dearly.  This wouldn’t be the first time it’s happened in my life so I’ve been actively trying to understand the pattern and avert the cycle.   For one, I don’t speak up nearly enough when something bothers me or I’m put off by something.  I’ve done that for so long that it takes a while me to even notice that I’m bothered!  Second I had to keep some things in perspective because I know I’m loved / appreciated by this group but I just wasn’t feeling the love.  That’s why my second tweet was about my need to learn to communicate my need for love.

This communication issue got me to thinking about the Five Love Languages that I’ve heard of so frequently but have never checked out.  So I did a quick google search to find some of the “Five Love Languages” tests online.  The results helped me to understand all of what I felt this evening.  I was feeling taken for granted and unappreciated for something in particular that I’ve done for them on three occasions at the last minute and with no thanks at the end.  Now some of you are getting all ruffled because I expected a thank you, but if we’re honest – very few of us continue doing things where we get NO positive feedback. The funny thing is that the way I’m wired things would have been quite different for me if someone noticed what I did last time to ‘fill in’ and had asked me in advance to do it again this time, I would have been more than happy to do it!  I guess for me it’s a form of affirmation that my contribution is valuable.  I was sooo jaded that I’d walked into the event saying “no… I won’t help again” and before I could even be seated two different people were asking me to fix what was wrong. (I was trying to just be a ‘guest’ that night!)  With the least bit of resistance I went and ‘helped’ – fixing the problem and maintaining that position for the rest of the night.

Ok… so now that I’ve vented all that out (and you’re still reading?! WOW?!) What I’m learning is that if I don’t speak up about the problem, it’ll continue to happen.  I did (in a light hearted way) let the organizer know that they really have to be mindful to cover these kinds of basics since they do events so regularly.  I also let another friend of mine know that I wasn’t feeling great (I usually don’t tell him things like that… more about that later).

The song “Simply Put” by Fred Hammond came to mind as I was processing all of these thoughts and feelings.  The end of the verse seems to say it best:

…”My basic needs are really very simple
To know You love me
You like me
And I am Yours
I am Yours”

That phrase as stood out to me so strongly for years and it gives voice to my needs even now.

Even as I write this I’m so thankful for the many voices tonight and elsewhere that are so generous with their words of love, appreciation, and encouragement.  More and more I’m realizing just how important that is to me.  No one has to appreciate you or even care about you – so to be able to say that I have been blessed with a wealth of people who do just those things is amazing and I’m grateful to God.  I’m thinking of very specific e-mails, conversations in cars, and even text messages and facebook comments that I carry in my heart.  I’m thinking also of some of my most desperate times when God should have been far, far away and He’s whispered in my heart that he loves me and that I belong to him -still.

I am loved and I’m thankful for it.  I just need to hear it.

Tonight we watched Rob Bell‘s Nooma video titled “Bullhorn”.  This is our second week of watching his videos and the second time I wasn’t quite on the same page as most people who rave over his videos.  I think they are good, but at times I challenge the challenges he gives.  In this particular video, the focus was on the “bullhorn” street-corner preacher who’s primary message is condemnation and fear.  And while I don’t believe in that approach either, I think he may have thrown the baby out with the bath water.  The point of the video was that we would show and be love – that Love be our message – and I agree.  I just think that the ‘bullhorn’ guy may have also gotten stereotyped as all bad.  Way Of The Master is a ministry lead by Ray Comfort and Kirk Cameron that relies heavily on open-air (street corner) and one-on-one ministry.  And while I’m not 100% on-board with all of their approaches or teachings, I do think that their boldness and challenge is ALSO needed in our world.

((EDIT: I found Todd Friel of Way of the Master Radio’s response to “Bullhorn” check it out!))

I guess I’m this way because my born-again experience came through someone making a pretty bold challenge by asking “what does God want for your life” but also having a bible study conversation that showed me what the Word says with conviction and the life-giving grace that is available through Jesus Christ.  That has been my “preaching style” ever-since I began to minister to others.  It was one of the things that drew me to my current church – that balanced message.  My previous church was heavy on the condemnation and would judge just about everybody (else).  In coming to my current church, I came with the expectation (From the former church) that everyone else would preach a ‘watered-down’ message free of conviction.  I was pleasantly surprised to hear conviction that was FULL OF GRACE – it brought me to tears.

I said all that because I’m finding out more of who I am in Christ.  We’re called to be like Jesus – who was full of grace and truth.  I want to live the balance of grace and truth – to have a life that is marked by Love.

As our group talked about these issues, it raised lots of uneasy questions that don’t have quick answers.  I thought that was very healthy for us.  To me, it’s essential to question and understand what you believe and why.  I love that our group can tread in those uneasy waters together.  I was so excited coming home on the bus that I couldn’t read my book! As I would read a line on the page, my mind would wander back to something we discussed or just imagining the potential of how God may challenge each of us – and how I’m being challenged right now.

I don’t know where things will go from here, but the lyrics to one song in particular captures it all.  I have a heart for those who have questions, for those who fall outside of the lines of being ‘fit’ for God and ‘acceptable’ but who yearn for relationship with Him.  I want everyone to know that no matter what people have told in condemnation and rejection that God loves you and Jesus is the way to a full relationship with Him.  So much influences us and raises doubt to the story of Jesus and his Message.  But God is big enough to handle that – he can help our unbelief. Check out this song “What If” by Nichole Nordeman and be blessed.

I battle with fear when it comes to singing solo / lead.  I thought this was obvious to everyone – especially since we use a huge projection screen at church.  A few weeks ago I shared this with our Music Director as I was feeling pretty bad about a small lead part I did in the service.  I got complements from several people but I couldn’t receive any of them.  I even got complements on the clothes I was wearing (which were new and I liked a lot) but i didn’t even feel good about that. I realized that this was my issue and things weren’t quite as bad as I was making them out to be.  I just was afraid of ‘messing up’ and even more afraid that I was bad and no one would tell me.  Me telling Fran (our Music Director) about how I felt along with talking about it in one of my groups really helped me to see just how my attitude was.  It was exposed and in the light and suddenly it didn’t seem so big.

Fast-forwarding to this week, I was given a lead part with two solo verses.  Fran really wanted me to pray about leading this song because the lyrics were definitely something that I could sing from my heart.

Sometimes at night
I am afraid
I cover my eyes,
Cover my shame
So here in the dark
Broken apart
Come with your light
And fill up my heart

Oh great light of the world
Fill up my soul
I’m half a man here
So come make me whole
Oh great light of the world
Come to impart
The light of your grace
To fill up my heart

– Great Light Of The World by Bebo Norman

[See post to watch Flash video]
I immediately wanted to sing the song, but was afraid that it was too high for my range.  Fran and his wife Cheryl were really accommodating and willing to work with / support me in whatever way I needed.  Now it was time for me to really work on the song by myself since we wouldn’t have our normal rehearsal — due to the Thanksgiving Holiday.  I practiced… realized I was even afraid to sing loud at home (what would the neighbors think) but pushed past that fear too.

Sunday morning finally came and while I was sleeping I had a dream – it was too random to go into detail here, but it charged me up with confidence that I was a valuable part of the team at Church and that I needed to do what I do there.  Our pre-service rehearsal went well with only a few corrections along the way.  The service flowed well and the message was convicting to me.  I got some new insights on the teaching that John the Baptist did in preparing the way of the Lord. And after the message was the time for my song. I sang it and thankfully my mom was sitting down front and one of my friends stood the entire time I sang – that support blessed me so! I sang the song… I think I up a few words at end of a verse or two, but overall I did my best.  I still felt rather neutral — and didn’t anticipate any positive response.

After the service our Music director gave me a big smile a “great job” and one friend came to tell me she cried as I sang the song. Another friend said he stopped what he was doing to come in and listen.  Several others gave complements and a couple people asked me “how dod you do it? I would be way too nervous or scared!”  They were amazed when I told them how little confidence I had going in!  I realize that – especially on stage — I’ll project confidence even if I feel everything but!  Part of my challenge is learning to feel good just in knowing I did my best.  Validation / approval from others is GREAT ( I promise you it is!!!) but for me to grow more, I’m going to have to internalize that for myself. I was really happy that I pushed past so many of the fears I’ve had in the past and that it resulted in a great time of worship for me and for many in our congregation. That’s purpose!

The other great thing that happened today was having the 20′s/30′s group unexpectedly sing Happy Birthday to me.  My Birthday is coming up on Wednesday and I’d honestly forgotten that the date was quickly approaching so I hadn’t made any major plans.  But it was just neat to know that others are thinking about me and were happy to lift their voices in song.  It took me back to one year ago when I was first becoming more connected at church.  To know that because of the good relationships I’ve found there SOOOOO many things in my life have changed and are being healed.  I’m taking more responsibility for myself, I’m growing emotionally and spiritually.  My community of friends and family is amazing.  I’m becoming more sure of my gifts and callings.  I’m growing my business and growing up as a man.

I’m really surprised I’m not completely in tears at this point.  I’ve had to stop several times today just to rejoice for how God has blessed me.  I really am SO happy.  That isn’t to say life isn’t without it’s challenges and difficulties.  Those will always be a part of this world.  But to face life with the hope and support of God and his people is something that’s powerful beyond words.

I thank GOD for his purpose and the hope that he’s given me!  Indeed, he’s come to my rescue, he’s lit-up my life, and has redeemed me!

Jeremiah 29:11

My father passed unexpectedly in his sleep in 2003.  He lived alone and was found by a friend after he passed.  Both me and my mom didn’t have cell phones during that time which left his side of the family without a way to contact us.  We almost didn’t find out except that someone remembered where I went to church at the time and came and found me there on Sunday morning.  As soon as I heard the news it was almost like a movie that I was watching happening… it was just surreal to me.  In several ways, God has been preparing me for his passing since 1999.  I couldn’t leave my Dad without saying I loved him or gave him a hug.  If I did leave, I would get this prompting to remember that this could be the last time I see him.  So when my aunt tells me that my father has passed it’s like “wow… ok… here it is… this is reality now”.

In a lot of ways I was already “ok” with it.  He had some health issues (Diabetes and a congestive heart condition) but he was doing fine – he had plans to go to the movies the next day.  He was only in his 50′s.  We’d started spending random time together, catching a movie and talking about his memories growing up.  We’d begun to work through some of the difficulties in how we bonded and showed each other love.  God renewed our relationship.  Some things that came out of that restoration I didn’t realize until at least a year after he passed: He was proud of me. To this day, that realization gives me strength like nothing else anyone has ever said to me.  I’ll write more about that later.

One thing that helped me through the time after he passed was the song: “A Song of Strength” by Fred Hammond.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M7-XxVJNVHw&feature=rec-fresh

[ Verse 1: ]
What do you do
When the life you’ve
planned is shattered
What do you say
When the one you love is gone
How do you live
Seems like no hope for tomorrow
Pain doesn’t care where you
live or who you are

[ Chorus: ]
Lord You see my life is broken
And I don’t know what to do
While I’m in this
change, help me remain
I will count on You, oh, oh
When I can’t see, I know You’ll guide
When I cry out, I know You feel
Now I’m praying, I know You hear
I’m praying for healing, I know You will

[ Verse 2: ]
Who do you call
When no one has the answer
Where do you go
When the place you’ve know is no more
When will they stop
All the tears they just keep falling
Pain doesn’t care where you
live or who you are

[ Repeat Chorus ]

[ Channel ]
We ask you to forgive
And we will do the same
We receive Your love
Lord we’ll take time to heal

[ Vamp ]
Hold on and wait just a little while
He’ll bring a song of
strength in the midnight
Touch our lives with Your loving Hand
Hold on, we’ll hold on
(Repeat)

Hold on and wait just a little while

I hope that you find encouragement and strength in your difficult midnight hours. –Darren

"None But Jesus" by Hillsong United

In the quiet
In the stillness
I know that You are God
In the secret of Your presence
I know there I am restored
When You call i won't refuse
Each new day again I'll choose

There is no one else for me
None but Jesus
Crucified to set me free
Now I live to bring Him praise

In the chaos in confusion
I know You're sovereign still
In the moment of my weakness
You give me grace to do Your will
When You call I won't delay
This my song through all my days

All my delight is in You Lord
All of my hope
All of my strength
All my delight is in You Lord
Forever more

I heard this song sung live by Darlene Zschech at church tonight.  I really appreciate the writing that comes out of Hillsong church.  Powerful simple truths put to meldodies that congregations can easily sing.  Worship was AWESOME!!!