Wow oh wow… this has been a hugely challenging day for me. I’ve got a lot more thinking and reflecting to do about what drives me in life. My title for this post is a tiny bit of what it centers around… me having a need that I didn’t realize before… my life shows I’ve sought out that ‘well done’ (acceptance, validation) in all kinds of places… and I’m realizing that in this particular moment, Matthew 3:17 is where I’ll hear it. That’s where Jesus is being baptized and God speaks from heaven and says “This is my son, whom I love, with Him I am well pleased” – God is speaking to THE Son in this scripture, but we are also the sons and daughters of God… adopted in to the family. More than anything I just need to know that I belong to Him, He loves me, and is pleased with me…
This is so special to me because God said this BEFORE Jesus had done any miracles or even been tempted in the desert! God didn’t say it based on Jesus’ performance thus far. I’m realizing that my struggle is seated there… in the performance mode of trying to do so much (often too much) unconsciously in hopes of being rewarded with a ‘well done’ from people. However the reality is that God knew me before I was born and called me for his purpose.
I don’t know if all this is making sense, but I’m being renewed in my thinking on a lot of stuff and it’s kinda heavy right now. I’ve had a long battle for freedom in some areas and after 10 years of struggle come to realize some things that aren’t so pleasant, fun, or easy to manage.
I do way too much. I’m working on it, and with this latest realization I need to really look at why I’m so dang busy — what am I really looking for in all that I do.
Ok… I’m being majorly reflective here…but that’s what I tend to do… 🙂 I will be writing more on this as my journey continues.