I can willl it, but I can’t do it. I decide to do good, but I don’t really do it; I decide not to do bad, but then I do it anyway. My decisions, such as they are, don’t result in actions. Something has gone wrong deep within me and gets the better of me every time.

It happens so regularly it’s predictable. The moments I decide to do good, sin is there to trip me up. I truly delight in God’s commands, but it’s pretty obvious that not all of me joins in that delight. Parts of me covertly rebel, and just when I least expect it, they take charge.

I’ve tried everything and nothing helps… The answer, thank God, is that Jesus Christ can and does. He acted to set things right in this life of contradictions where I want to serve God with all my heart and mind, but am pulled by the influence of sin to do something totally different. (Romans 7:17-25 in The Message )

So where is My focus?

Later in this passage (Rom 8:5-11 ) Paul talks about where our focus is… basicly that when we focus on ourselves in the matters of doing right and living right, we are not focused on God and subject ourselves to coninued failure. This is where my life has been SO frequently. I get caught up in working so hard on my self… or being so hard on myself that I easily shift from God who is my savior to me and what power I have (which amounts to nothing).

A few weeks ago, I made up my mind to let some changes happen in my life and I got rid of some things and let go of a few others… but none of those outward changes have been lasting. Inwardly, I’m trying not to play the guilt and shame game, because they don’t get me anywhere. What I have noticed is that I’ve been so focused on myself and my issues that I don’t give God half the time and attention I did. That’s silly because he’s always telling me that He didn’t call me because of what I could do, he just loves me period.

That’s what is important… I’m not going to be a new man because of the strength of my decisions… no, this change will only be realized through the power of His Spirit working in me.

The words of the Song “Who Am I” by Casting Crowns will sum it up best:

Who am I?
That the eyes that see my sin,
Would look on me with love,
and watch me rise again,
Who am I?
That the voice that calmed the sea,
Would call out through the rain,
And calm the storm in me,

Not because of who I am,
But because of what You’ve done,
Not because of what I’ve done,
But because of who You are,

I am a flower quickly fading,
Here today and gone tomorrow,
A wave tossed in the ocean (ocean),
A vapor in the wind,
Still You hear me when I’m calling,
Lord, You catch me when I’m falling,
And You’ve told me who I am…
I am Yours, I am Yours.

That’s all for now! I love you all and thanks for the many wonderful comments… feel free, agree or disagree… what’s true will always stand.

In His Grace,


Saturday October 29, 2005 – 05:10pm (CDT)